"I did too. But I miss you ... touching me, holding me, doing things to me." God, Riley, I miss that too," I said. "Every time I touch myself, I think of you." She blushed more, and I looked at her. "Do you touch yourself, thinking of me?"She cast her eyes down, away from the phone screen. "Maybe." Are you going to touch yourself tonight, after we talk? Imagining my fingers running over your skin, touching you everywhere?"Riley looked back up at me, her eyes wide. "Yes, Mark. God yes, I am."As July turned into August, Riley and I kept texting and video-chatting with each other on a regular basis. Our conversations were occasionally risque, but keeping with my promise to her mother, we refrained from any sort of nudity or "cybersex" activity. We did continue to say "I love you" to each other quite often, though. Riley told me her parents had tried to discourage that, but to no avail.When Riley went back to school in late August, our communication frequency dipped a bit. She was busy. Doubt was slowly undercutting the foundations of his personal crusade.So much like his trip to see Zoe's family, it was easy to be brave andcertain far away in the light, but each dark mile through the slowhours of the night brought closer that moment of reckoning, andnarrowed the calculus between the vengeful rage of a grieving husbandand instinctual self-preservation. Needing something both to distracthim from his thoughts and keep him awake he cycled to another CDwithout even looking at the label and tried to relax as the happy tunesbegan to play. Soon though a song began to play that he had alwaysenjoyed for its raw emotion from an artistic standpoint, a song that hehad not listened to in the last three months.No, stayI don't care what you've said or doneDon't go awayNot now, when life had just begunCome back, and be the woman who I knewHelp me to believe in youWhat on earth am I to do?She's gone, this vision who was not quite realI must move on despite the painThe pain will.
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